Battle Royale With Cheese
by Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin
Summary: Ginpachi-sensei and his students are in some hot water. They ended up in the Hunger Games - No, wait, they ended up in the Program from Battle Royale. Only one will survive this cracky and cheesy Battle Royale... With cheese. Rated for violence, character death, and good old fashioned Gintama humor.
1. The Kidnapping

**Author's Note: **I haven't written a Gintama fic in a while, so I figured, "Hey, if I'm writing a Gintama fic, might as well make it a parody, since this is Gintama we're talking about."

And, before you ask, no I am not parodying _Battle Royale_ just because I'm writing a parody for _The Hunger Games_ with One Piece characters. I just thought that Gintama hasn't done a parody of _Battle Royale_ (or even _Hunger Games_) yet, and it seems like something Sorachi would parody.

**Warnings: Character death, violence, and a cameo from a certain pirate crew. The first three are because it's a parody of _Battle Royale_, and the last one is because no Gintama fic is complete without a cameo or two from a Shonen Jump character and/or an OC for a Shonen Jump anime.**

**Disclaimer: Hideaki Sorachi owns Gintama and Koushin Takami owns _Battle Royale_.**

* * *

**If You're Going to Kidnap a Horde of Teenagers, at Least Give Them Stuff to do **

It was just another day in the class of Ginpachi-sensei. Or, was it?

"Alright, kids, we just completed our finals, so we're going on an educational field trip!" Gintoki announced. The students groaned.

"Where are we going to?" Shinpachi asked as he raised his hand. Gintoki smiled.

"We're going to Disneyland!" Gintoki announced. The class cheered.

"We're going to Disneyland!" Tama said happily.

"Wait... What's the catch?" Okita asked Gintoki.

"There is no catch," Gintoki explained. The students cheered louder.

"Yay! We're going to Disneyland, and there's no catch!" Kagura cheered. Sadly, there was a catch, because a mock Spanish Inquisiton consisting of Umibozu, Matsudaira, Hinowa, and Ketsuno Ana burst into the room.

"Oi, just what are you doing here?" Gintoki asked the four.

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" Umibozu yelled. The entire class grew silent.

"I'm sorry, did you four escape from a mental zoo?" Okita asked the four. The Spanish Inquisition then got out laser pointers.

"You are the Weakest Link. Good-bye," Umibozu said before they knocked Class 3-Z unconscious with the lasers.

* * *

When Class 3-Z awoke, they were in another classroom.

"Oi, we better not fucking be in Kansas anymore. I have a headache," Gintoki said as he awoke.

"Did I leave the stove on?" Shinpachi asked groggily.

"What time is it?" Tsukuyo asked everyone.

"Are we at Great Moments With Eichiiro Oda yet, or are we going on Space Mountain?" Kagura asked everyone. Umibozu, Hinowa, Matsudaira, and Ketsuno Ana entered the classroom.

"Hey, Gin-san, isn't that the weatherwoman you have a crush on?" Shinpachi asked Gintoki as he pointed to Ketsuno Ana. Something inside Gintoki then snapped.

"You know, when a weatherwoman you have a crush on knocks you unconscious and drags you into a classroom, shit will get real," Gintoki explained to his class. The room then grew silent, save for somebody reading Shonen Jump in the back of the room.

"I don't get it," Pirako stated.

"You will after this brief word from our sponsors," Matsudaira explained. Then, several men dressed in orange-and-white jumpsuits dropped down from the ceiling.

"Morning Rescue!" The men in the jumpsuits shouted before they ran around the room to pass out bottles of Morning Rescue to everyone. "_Morning Rescue! Morning Rescue!_"

The Morning Rescue guys then exploded, rock-and-roll style. Everyone sweatdropped.

"Okay, then..." Shinpachi said. "_If somebody doesn't get sued for that by nine o'clock tonight, I can still go to school tomorrow for the last day of school activities_."

"Now, is everybody wondering why we knocked an entire class unconscious and dragged them here?" Hinowa asked everyone.

"Ooh! Are we going to Loft?" Tojo asked everyone. (1)

"You go to Loft every Saturday," Kyuubei pointed out.

"Shut up! Once a week is not enough for me sometimes!" Tojo yelled as he pointed his finger at Kyuubei.

"Are we going to a love hotel?" Sacchan asked Hinowa. Everyone sweatdropped.

"_What's her deal?_" Everyone in Class 3-Z but Sacchan thought to themselves. Umibozu cleared his throat.

"Enough chit-chat, let's get down to business!" Umibozu yelled.

"_To defeat the huns!_" Yamazaki sang.

"_Did they send me daughters when I asked for sons?_" Catherine sang. Umibozu glared at the students.

"Anyway, welcome to the Program," Umibozu announced. "You are the first class to be selected for the Program."

Everyone grew silent.

"Oi, I'm a teacher, and you never told me about this," Gintoki said. Matsudaira got out a gun and shot at Gintoki. But, instead of bullets coming out, a flag that said "Daddy's bangy-thingie. Drawn by: Kuriko, age five" came out of the gun.

"Sorry about that," Matsudaira apologized as he put away his gun.

"Don't tell me you've put us in a mental zoo!" Otsuu-chan cried.

"We already did that to the cast of _One Piece: Parallel Works_," Ketsuno Ana explained as she pointed to the famous Capricorn Pirates.

"Oi, did you guys escape from a mental zoo?" Kazuma Miyafuji, the swordsman of the Capricorn Pirates who is manlier than 25% of Gintama's cast, yelled from across the room.

"SHUT THE FRONT DOOR, DUMBASS!" Okita yelled back.

"I DON'T HAVE TO, YOU BRAT!" Hana Yakushi, the yaoi-loving navigator of the Capricorn Pirates, yelled back.

"WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE HERE?" Kagura yelled to the Capricorns.

"BECAUSE WE NEED TO PAY THE BILLS! EVEN PIRATES SAILING THE GRAND LINE HAVE BILLS TO PAY!" Wolfgang Katsuragi, the money-loving merchant of the Capricorn Pirates, yelled back.

"You guys aren't even legit One Piece canon characters," Shinpachi pointed out. The room grew silent.

"At least I have sex appeal," Holden Sarutobi, who was 1/3 of the bishie musican trio collectively known as "The Sarutobi siblings", pointed out. Takasugi glared at Holden and his two brothers, Heathcliffe and Soren.

"At least I have this," Takasugi retorted as he pulled out a Justaway. The Capricorns got out their weapons.

"Young man, you have five seconds to put away that thing. That is no way to behave when in the face of celebrities," Kartik Abingdon, the stuck-up, sophisticated shipwright of the Capricorn Pirates, said as he aimed his crossbow at Takasugi. With a pout, Takasugi put his Justaway away.

"Atta boy, son," Blaise Nightwing, the blacksmith (and borderline creeper) of the Capricorn Pirates, said to Takasugi as he adjusted his glasses. Somebody's watch beeped.

"We're so sorry. We'd love to stay and chat with you guys, but we have to go," Yuki-Rin, the captain, apologized.

"We're going to Hong Kong for our vacation," Hana added.

"Wait! I never got any autographs from you guys!" Yamazaki shouted.

"I'm sorry, but you guys have something to do, and we have something to do," Hana apologized. Yamazaki, however, began crying.

"Take me with you! Aki has nice -" Yamazaki yelled before Hijikata shot him with a shotgun. However, somebody from 4kids was probably reading the scene, so we had to re-edit Hijikata's shotgun and give him a Super Soaker.

"Ahh! I'm [all wet]!" Yamazaki cried. The part where he shouted "all wet" was badly dubbed-over, since Yamazaki originally said "in serious pain". The Capricorns sweatdropped.

"Sorry, guys. We have to go, or we're going to miss our flight," Hana apologized as the Capricorns began to leave.

"Oh, by the way, nice dog collars," Gareth Archer, the archaeologist whose Devil Fruit can transform himself into a tree, said before the Capricorns left. Class 3-Z looked down to the dog collars around their necks.

"Okay, where's Ashton Kutcher?" Shinpachi cried.

"There is no hidden camera. You have three days to kill your classmates. Last one standing wins," Matsudaira explained.

"Then what are these collars for?" Kamui asked Matsudaira.

"Your tracking devices. If you go too far from the arena or if you're in the right place at the right time, your head will asplode," Matsudaira explained.

"Asplode?" Tama asked.

"You heard me, I said 'asplode' and not 'explode'. That's how I roll," Matsudaira said.

"You have five minutes to work out a strategy. Until we get back with your stuff, you better have an action plan," Umibozu explained before he, Matsudaira, Hinowa, and Ketsuno Ana left the room. The room grew silent.

"Well, then... Good-bye, everyone. It was nice knowing you all," Okita said. Gintoki's eyes turned to Yamazaki, who was now twitching on the ground and foaming at the mouth. Gintoki then began to fiddle with Yamazaki's collar.

"Gin-san, what are you doing?" Shinpachi asked Gintoki, who now had Yamazaki's collar around his neck.

"You, me, and Kagura are going to save everyone," Gintoki explained.

"I never agreed to this!" Shinpachi cried.

"Me neither!" Kagura yelled in agreement. Gintoki sighed.

"Okay, okay. After we save everyone, Kagura gets a year's supply of sukonbu," Gintoki explained.

"Bitchin'!" Kagura said as she pumped her fist into the air.

"And me?" Shinpachi asked Gintoki.

"More screentime in G[Bleep]tama," Gintoki said. "But, that doesn't mean more lines."

"_If I wasn't allied with Gin-san in these Hunger Games rip-offs, he'd be the first to go_," Shinpachi thought to himself.

* * *

**(1) - **Loft is the fabric place Tojo likes to go to.

Before I forget, here's who will compete in our little Battle Royale (with cheese):

**The Males:**

Gintoki Sakata*  
Shinpachi Shimura  
Katsura Kotarou  
Toushirou Hijikata  
Okita Sougou  
Kondo Isao  
Shinsuke Takasugi  
Kamui Yato  
Tatsuma Sakamoto  
Ayumu Tojo  
Yamazaki Sagaru*

* Yamazaki got shot before the Program began because he was being a perv. Gintoki takes his place.

**The Females:**

Kagura Yato Tae Shimura  
Kyuubi Yaguyei  
Otose  
Catherine  
Tama  
Ayame "Sacchan" Sarutobi  
Tsukuyo  
Pirako Chin  
Otsuu-chan

**Review if you want the Battle Royale to begin!**


	2. Day One of the Battle Royale

**Author's Note: **And, let the Battle Royale (with cheese) begin! For fanfic, I'm planning to have four chapters (for the kidnapping/explanation of the Program and for each of the three days of the Battle Royale) and an epilogue for this fic, so this will be a five-chapter fic. I'm working pretty fast on the fic, so this fic will probably end within this week.

Without further ado, let the Hunger Games - I mean, Battle Royale - begin!

**Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own Gintama or _Battle Royale_.**

* * *

**Always Sort Your Underwear by How Pleasing it Looks and Not by How Comfortable it is.**

And, so, Class 3-Z was sent off onto the island where they would kill each other like it was _The Hunger Games_.

"_This island is way too nice for a cage match arena_," Otsuu-chan thought to herself was she walked down the beach.

"Hey, baby."

Sakamoto stepped out of the nearby forest.

"Oh. It's you," Otsuu-chan said.

"It is me," Sakamoto answered. "Plus, I was looking for somebody to try my new pick-up line on. Before I can try it, one question - Do you like One Piece?"

"Yes, I do like One Piece," Otsuu-chan answered. "Who's your favorite character? Mine's Vivi."

"I like Brook," Sakamoto answered.

"Why do you - No, just because you like Brook doesn't mean that I'll let you see my panties!" Otsuu-chan yelled.

"That wasn't what I was going to ask you!" Sakamoto cried.

"Then, what were you going to ask me?" Otsuu-chan asked Sakamoto, who cleared his throat.

"Would you let me see your panties?" Sakamoto asked Otsuu-chan, who cut him with an axe. Again, people from 4kids were probably watching, so Otsuu-chan actually cut Sakamoto with a cardboard cutout of an axe.

"Oh, no! Now I lost my head like Mami Tomoe! Oh, wait, I still have my head! Yohohohoho! Skull joke!" Sakamoto joked. Otsuu-chan kicked Sakamoto in the balls.

"Do ya even have ANY common sense?" Otsuu-chan yelled.

"In my mind. Ahahahahahahahaha!" Sakamoto laughed. With a facepalm, Otsuu-chan walked away. "Hey, come back! Maybe if we live after this, we can go to Red Lobster!"

Otsuu-chan then threw a basketball at Sakamoto's head.

"Is your mother a Chome - " Otsuu-chan cried off-screen before she screamed bloody murder. A mile away, Kondo heard the screams.

"No... Otsuu-chan is dead!" Kondo yelled through his tears.

"Goodnight, sweet prince," Kamui said to himself as he hid a Justaway behind his back. Sadly, the Justaway exploded. "Oh, sweet mother of -"

Kamui threw the Justaway over toward Kyuubei. The force of the explosion threw Kyuubei off balance, and she fell into a ditch.

"_Goddamn it. I could've gotten out of here alive,_" Kyuubei thought to herself as she fell down into the ditch.

* * *

At the middle of the island, Gintoki, Shinpachi, and Kagura tried to get inside a mansion that was randomly placed in the middle of the island.

"Oi, come out and answer your door! We need your help!" Gintoki yelled as he pounded on the door with his sword. Shinpachi sighed.

"Give up, Gin-san. They're not home," Shinpachi said. Gintoki then grabbed Shinpachi and used him as a battering ram.

"Oi! Open up! I could've sworn I saw a cat and a pigeon in there, so you must be home!" Gintoki yelled before he set Shinpachi back down on the ground and brushed the dirt off of him. "Sorry about that, Shinpachi."

Shinpachi glared at Gintoki.

"You owe me for that," Shinpachi stated. Gintoki sighed.

"Come on, we have to get a move on. We need to get Zura and Takasugi on our side for this," Gintoki said to Shinpachi and Kagura.

"ZURA JA NAI, KATSURA DA!" Katsura shouted from across the island. Gintoki sighed.

"At least we know where to find him," Gintoki said under his breath as the Yoruzuya began to walk.

"Not so fast."

Sacchan, Kamui, Okita, and Tsukuyo approached them. Sacchan was in a G-rated dominatrix cat suit, Okita was in his Bakaiser costume, Kamui was dressed as a Chinese emperor, and Tsukuyo was dressed in Katniss Everdeen's Girl on Fire dress.

"Oi, how come we weren't invited to the costume party?" Gintoki asked the four. Kamui got out a crowbar.

"Because Mr. Crowbar was in charge of the guest list," Kamui explained.

"Mr. Crowbar?" Shinpachi asked before Kamui hit him on the head with it.

"You heard me!" Kamui yelled.

"Because we want to be the very best!" Tsukuyo added.

"_Like no one ever was!_" Kagura sang, prompting Kamui to knock her unconscious with the crowbar.

"Give me that," Okita demanded. Kamui pouted and handed the crowbar to Okita. "Now, perm-head, up on my knee NOW."

"Fuck no! I don't want to be spanked by YOU!" Gintoki yelled.

"Now, perm-head, you, China, and the glasses guy have been naughty children. Now, do as I say, or I will send you to your room with no dessert," Okita explained.

"Make me!" Gintoki yelled. Okita shrugged.

"If you say so," Okita said before he knocked Gintoki out with the crowbar.

* * *

**Contestants Lost on Day One: Otsuu-chan, Tatsuma Sakamoto, Kyuubei Yaguyei, and Yamazaki Sagaru.**

**Ending Note: **This chapter's title would totally be a chapter title for Gintama. I think I used this chapter's name because of Sakamoto's One Piece-related pick-up line.

**Review this fic and the Yoruzuya win the Battle Royale. If you don't review, Elizabeth comes out of nowhere with a laser gun and vaporizes the contestants.**


	3. Day Two of the Battle Royale

**Author's Note: **Here is day two of our little Battle Royale. In it, alliances will be made, friendships will be put to the test, and pop culture refrences will be made, since this is Gintama we're talking. At the latest, I will post the final chapter and the epilogue tomorrow, since I finished typing up the fic already.

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my OCs for One Piece.**

* * *

**Breaking Into Somebody's Mansion Takes More Than a Fantastic Perm and a Sword**

When Gintoki awoke, he was in a lighthouse with Tama, Pirako, Tojo, and Hijikata.

"Where am I?" Gintoki asked the four.

"The lighthouse. We're hiding from Sogou," Hijikata explained as he lit a cigarette. Tama smacked the cigarette from Hijikata.

"No, don't smoke that! Drugs are bad!" Tama yelled. Hijikata got out his mayonnaise gun.

"Look here, missy, I - Oh, fuck! I'm having mayonnaise withdrawl!" Hijikata cried before he slumped to the ground. Hijikata's spirit then floated out of his body.

"Am I dead? No, wait - Am I going to the Soul Society?" Hijikata's ghost asked himself before he flew away. Everyone but Gintoki screamed.

"Oh, no! We fed him Bianchi Gokudera's poison cooking!" Pirako cried as she held up a plate with a purple blob. Tama got out three shotguns - Two of them here in her hands, and one was in her mouth, a la Roronoa Zoro.

"Who the FUCK killed Hijikata?" Tama cried. Gintoki slowly got up and walked out of the lighthouse.

"_Great, guess I need to go find Kagura, Shinpachi, AND Zura all over again. Thanks a lot, Sougou_," Gintoki thought to himself.

"_Zura ja nai! Katsura da!_" Katsura telepathically told Gintoki. Gintoki ran his fingers through his perm.

"_Great, now Zura has invaded my thoughts. I need a break. And, a strawberry parfait. And, the new Jump would be nice, too_," Gintoki thought to himself before Tae ran up to him.

"Oh, Gin-san, there you are!" Tae said with a wide grin on her face.

"Oi, don't tell me that you want to kill me," Gintoki said.

"Nope, not at all," Tae said as she nervously hid her spear behind her back. "Now, let's win these Hunger Games!"

Gintoki facepalmed.

"Tae, how many times do we have to tell you that this isn't Panem?" Gintoki asked Tae, who stuck out her tongue.

"Then why did I spend so much time learning archery?" Tae retorted.

"Because you want to be Ka[Bleep]iss Ev[Bleep]deen, Ma[Bleep]oka Ka[Bleep]ame, Dou[Bleep]ki Shi[Bleep]ka, or Ka[Bleep]tik Ab[Bleep]don when you grow up," Gintoki explained. (1)

"Pardon? I couldn't hear what you said over the beeps," Tae said.

"I said, Kartik Abingdon, Katniss -" Gintoki repeated before a certain gorilla cut him off.

"Tae-chan! Marry me, and we can get off of this island!"

Kondo, who was now stripped down to his underwear for some reason, jumped out of nowhere. Tae got out a tennis racket and a broom.

"Hell no, I won't marry you!" Tae yelled before she began hitting Kondo with the broom. "My name's Sazae-san, and I will bust your ass!"

Okita and Sacchan approached the two.

"Oi, we're here to kill you so we can win and become the new Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark," Okita announced. Gintoki then screamed like a little girl and ran. "Well, then... We'll get him later."

* * *

A few minutes of running later, Gintoki arrived back at the mansion.

"This must be the safe zone!" Gintoki said as he ran up to the mansion. "If I discover that some higher-up like GLaDOS or Wheatley is inside, I will go Kamehameha on them!"

Gintoki then ran past the Capricorns - who were exiting the mansion - and dove into an open window.

"Well, our overnight trip to Hong Kong was fun, but I'm glad to be back at our beach house," Hatori Chidori, the plain, useless fisherman of the Capricorns, remarked.

"It's like a vacation within a vacation!" Hana stated.

"Yep! Vacation-ception!" Dewey Kirihana, the youngest of the Capricorn Pirates at age 13, said in agreement.

"Where are we going to eat for dinner?" Yuki-Rin asked everyone.

"Let's go to McDonald's!" Daisuke Saburo, the fun-loving, slightly idiotic thief of the Capricorns, suggested.

"No," Showtarou Shinohara, the crew's boat rigger, stated. Everyone turned to Yuki-Rin.

"I don't feel like arguing. We're going to McDonald's, captain's orders," Yuki-Rin explained. The Capricorns groaned as they left the mansion. Inside, Gintoki was watching the Capricorns.

"What are they doing here? Weren't they supposed to go to China or something?" Gintoki wondered to himself. A crash was heard in the kitchen.

"Kagura-chan, put that down! We're not supposed to be in the Capricorns' mansion!"

"But, they have baozi!"

Gintoki's eyes popped out, like Eneru, Perona, and Jinbei in One Piece.

"I'm coming for you, Kagura and Shinpachi!" Gintoki yelled as he ran into the kitchen, where Shinpachi, Kagura, and Katsura were going through the Capricorns' fridge.

"Oi, perm-head, why are YOU here?" Katsura rudely asked Gintoki, who crossed his arms.

"Well, this is the unofficial safe zone, Zura!" Gintoki pointed out.

"Zura ja nai -" Katsura yelled before ripping off his outfit. Underneath his usual outfit, Katsura was wearing Usopp's Sogeking costume. "Sogeking da!"

The Yoruzuya sweatdropped.

"The Capricorns are in on our plan to get us out of here and to Mexico, where we will party and drink tequila and listen to Shakira," Katsura explained.

"Shakira's Colombian," Shinpachi pointed out. Katsura glared at Shinpachi.

"Shut. Up," Katsura told Shinpachi.

"What are you... Doing in our vacation house?"

Kazuma entered the kitchen.

"Your back door was unlocked," Kagura said before taking a bite from a fried chicken leg. With a sigh, Kazuma went over to the fridge and got out stuff to make a sandwich.

"Weren't you going to McDonald's or something?" Shinpachi asked the blonde swordsman who was currently making a sandwich.

"We were. I ditched my crew, because I wanted sukiyaki," Kazuma explained.

"Then why aren't you making sukiyaki?" Shinpachi asked again.

"We have no sukiyaki," Kazuma explained before taking a bite from his sandwich.

Gintoki sweatdropped.

"_Okay, I'm in the beach house of a Shonen Jump star, and he's getting into a small arguement with Shinpachi. Zura and Kagura-chan are also here, too, since we're all in a twisted game where we have three days to kill our classmates. This totally does not sound like Mockingjay. Not,_" Gintoki thought to himself.

"There you guys are! We've been looking for you guys!"

The rest of the Capricorns entered with bags from McDonald's. Immediately, Gintoki, Shinpachi, Kagura, and Katsura raised their hands.

"Kazuma Miyafuji, you fucking traitor," Katsura said through clenched teeth.

"How was I a traitor?" Kazuma asked Katsura. Yuki-Rin stepped foward.

"We're going to whoop your asses into shape so we can bust out of here alive," Yuki-Rin explained.

* * *

**Contestants Lost on Day Two: Toushirou Hijikata, Tama, Pirako Chin, Ayumu Tojo, Otae Shimura, Shinsuke Takasugi (off-screen death), Kamui Yato (off-screen death), Tsukuyo (off-screen death), and Kondo Isao.**

**(1)** - In order, the names Gintoki said were Katniss Everdeen (from _The Hunger Games_), Madoka Kaname (from Puella Magi Madoka Magica), Doumeki Shizuka (from xxxHOLiC), and Kartik Abingdon (from _One Piece: Parallel Works). _All four of them use a bow and arrow as their weapons of choice.

**Review if you want to see the Yoruzuya win the Battle Royale!**


	4. Final Day of the Battle Royale

**Author's Note: **And, it is now the final day of our Battle Royale with cheese. Who will emerge victorious? Read to find out!

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Gintama or _Battle Royale_.**

* * *

**Inceptions are Really Hard to Pull off, so Drink Some Strawberry Milk Before you Pull off an Inception.**

One long, unseen, training montage later, it was the next day.

"Whew! Time flies when you're practicing Three Sword-Style over and over again until you feel all Jello-y like a Hollow," Shinpachi commented as he wiped some sweat from his brow.

"I feel unstoppable, just like Madara!" Kagura proclaimed, since this fanfic has had a disturbing lack of Naruto refrences.

"See? All it took for you guys to get as strong as us was to watch some Naruto, One Piece, Bleach, Katekyo Hitman Reborn, Kintama, Beelzebub, Sket Dance, Death Note, Dragonball, D. Gray-man, Hunter x Hunter, Lupin the Third, Bakuman, Rock Lee and his Ninja Pals, and _One Piece: Parallel Works_," Yuki-Rin explained.

"Either that was the most epic product placement sequence in G[Bleep]tama fanfiction history, or a lawsuit waiting to happen," Shinpachi stated.

"How are we gonna get sued?" Heathcliffe asked Shinpachi, who sighed.

"No, no... This is a common occurence in my life, not yours," Shinpachi explained. Gintoki got out his sword.

"Alright, guys, let's go!" Gintoki yelled. Everyone cheered.

"For Narnia!" Kagura yelled.

"iViva la resistance!" Shinpachi yelled.

"For Sniper Island!" Katsura yelled.

"Oi, Sogeking, Sniper Island is in your heart, you know," Gintoki pointed out.

"Sogeking ja nai, Usopp da!" Katsura yelled. "I mean - Usopp ja nai, Sogeking - No, that doesn't sound right. Was it... No... I think it's... Sogeking and Usopp ja nai, Katsura da!"

Everyone laughed at Katsura.

"Looks like Captain Usopp has an identity crisis," Kazuma commented.

"There's no time to debate that! We have to get out of here!" Shinpachi yelled before he tore off the front door. "KAME... HAME... HA!"

Shinpachi then threw the door, Shizuo Heiwajima-style. Sadly, the door crushed Otose and Catherine.

"IZAYA-KUN!" Otose yelled before she died. With that dying declaration refrencing Durarara, the Capricorns, Yoruzuya Three, and Katsura made a run for it.

"Where are we going?" Gintoki cried.

"We've got the Hyperion parked in the bay! We'll go there!" Yuki-Rin yelled.

"The Hyperion? No way! That ship is the best ship in the One Piece-verse!" Kagura fangirled.

"Some of _One Piece: Parallel Works_' finest scenes take place on the Hyperion. When we board it, you'll see all the hard work I did building the ship," Kartik explained.

"Personally, I love all of the scenes when you're all sitting down for a meal on the Hyperion. It shows that you guys are a kickass and loveable crew," Shinpachi said.

"Not so fast!"

Okita and Sacchan jumped from a tree. They were now dressed as members of Team Rocket.

"Team Rocket?" Our protagonists cried.

"Prepare for trouble!"

"And, make it double!"

"To protect the world from devastation!"

"To unite all peoples within our nation!"

"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"

"To extend our reach to the stars above!"

"Jessie - I mean, Sacchan!"

"James - Shit! I mean, Okita!"

"Team Rocket is blasting off at the speed of light!"

"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"

Elizabeth waddled into view. She now wore cat ears, and she held up a placard that said "**Meowth, dat's right!**". Everyone else sweatdropped.

"What is my duck doing here?" Katsura asked Okita and Sacchan. Elizabeth held up another placard, which said, "**I am the one who sent you into this Battle Royale! I'm like Seneca Crane, but without the beard! Muhahahahahaha!**"

Everyone sweatdropped.

"You're... Kidding me? The final boss is a duck?" Shinpachi asked.

"But... Why? That's a Deux-ex-Machina right there," Molly O'Flannigan, Yuki-Rin's Irish half-sister, pointed out. Sacchan walked up to Molly.

"I've got a riddle for you, cutie pie," Sacchan told Molly. "You're waiting for a train. A train that will take you far away. You know where you hope this train will take you, but you don't know for sure. But, it doesn't matter, because -"

Katsura pushed Sacchan down to the ground.

"Because I will go Super Saiyan on you!" Katsura yelled before he picked up Sacchan. "Zangetsu, I choose you!"

Katsura threw Sacchan off of the cliff. Okita glared at them.

"NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!" Okita yelled before he shot Katsura and about a quarter of the Capricorns.

"No! Matsu! Yulia! Daisuke! Aki! Thierry! Sadie! Rubio! Enlai!" Yuki-Rin cried. Kagura and Molly grabbed guns from Hammerspace.

"We're going with them! We're the token cutesy characters the fans love!" Kagura yelled.

"You can't do that! People die when they are killed!" Shinpachi yelled.

"Fuck Fate/Stay Night! I like Darker Than Black better!" Molly yelled.

"Stop making so many refrences! We're going to get sued and lose all of our money!" Shinpachi yelled. Kagura glared at Shinpachi.

"It won't matter when go to Heaven and become angels like P[Bleep]nty and S[Bleep]cking," Kagura said darkly. "Now, ready to go into Limbo, Molly?"

"Ready. I waited for that bloody train, and it's here," Molly said in agreement.

"Tiro Finale!"

Everyone gasped as the two token cutie pies shot themselves.

* * *

When Molly and Kagura awoke, they awoke on a beach that adjoined a city with buildings of many styles.

"Where are we?" Kagura asked the moé first mate of the Capricorns.

"Limbo," Molly stated.

"Are we going to wait for anymore trains?"

"No."

"Good, let's go."

And, so, Molly and Kagura wandered deeper into Limbo in search of Katsura and the "dead" Capricorns.

"Hey, have you seen three men named Cobb, Saito, and Robert Fischer Jr.?" A pretty, brown-haired girl asked Molly and Kagura.

"Sorry, we're looking for some of the cast of _One Piece: Parallel Works_. They got fucking shot," Kagura said.

"You mean those guys?" The girl asked as she pointed to Katsura and the Capricorns, who were playing Uno.

"Thanks, man," Kagura said before she and Molly ran off to watch the Uno game.

"Red card!" Daisuke yelled derpily as he held up a red Uno card.

"You idiot, this isn't soccer!" Rubio Lindocruz, the quartermaster with weird facial tattoos, yelled. Kagura cleared her throat.

"We have to ride the kick together! We need to get out of here!" Kagura yelled.

"Kick? What kick?" Enlai Li, the Chinese merchant of the Capricorns, asked Kagura. Then, _Non, ne Regrette je Nien_ began playing.

"Well, I'm out of here," Katsura said before he jumped off of the building they were on.

"We were on a roof?" Molly asked everyone else. Since they were already confused, the remaining people in Limbo linked hands and jumped off of the roof.

"VODKA!"

* * *

Kagura, Katsura, and the supposedly-dead Capricorns awoke on the decks of the Hyperion.

"Aki, you're alive!" Heathcliffe yelled as he ran over to hug his cheongsam-clad girlfriend, Aki Chung-Feng.

"What happened?" Aki asked everyone. Gintoki got out a top.

"Paradox," Gintoki stated before spinning the top.

"Oh, don't say I didn't warn you guys, but there's a duck pointing a sawed-off shotgun at us," Holden said as he pointed to Elizabeth, who was standing on the bay with a shotgun.

"Uhh... Don't worry! We just need to find a time machine!" Shinpachi cried before he got out a hacksaw. Shinpachi then used the hacksaw to slice at the steering wheel of the Hyperion.

"What the bloody hell is he doin'?" Molly cried.

"Bro, stop him! If he keeps doing that, then we can't leave!" Heathcliffe cried.

"No! We've gotta stop Elizabeth! She is a menace to society!" Shinpachi yelled. Gintoki ran his hand through his hair.

"Oi, Shinpachi, get yourself together, AND THINK LIKE A MAN!" Gintoki yelled. But, it was no use, for Holden and Soren were trying to pry Shinpachi away from the steering wheel. "Oh, for the love of -"

With an annoyed sigh, Gintoki walked over to the mast and banged his head against it repeatedly. Then, Gintoki awoke on his couch in his apartment over Otose's snack shop.

"Damn... Why does my head feel like I've been banging it against a wall?" Gintoki asked himself. His eyes trailed over to the table, where DVDs of _Battle Royale, The Hunger Games, Inception, _Pokémon, and various Shonen Jump animes, several empty bags of cookies, five empty cups that once held strawberry parfaits, and some half-empty cartons of strawberry milk were strewn. Gintoki picked up a carton of strawberry milk and drank from it.

"Gin-san, some people from the Shonen Jump studios want to talk to you."

Yuki-Rin and Kazuma entered the room. In Yuki-Rin's hands, she held a broken steering wheel for a pirate ship.

"Gintoki Sakata, care to explain this?" Yuki-Rin asked Gintoki, who slowly put down his milk.

"I didn't do it," Gintoki stated.

"Well, YOU were the one who took the tour of the _One Piece: Parallel Works_ studio yesterday, so it wasn't one of our fellow actors," Kazuma explained. Gintoki got up from his comfortable position on the couch.

"Listen, I can't talk right now. I left the stove on," Gintoki stated before he ran out of the apartment faster than you can say "I'm gonna be King of the Pirates!"

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**Ending Note: **The epilogue will be posted soon!

**Review if you want to see the funny epilogue.**


	5. Epilogue

**Author's Note: **Here is the epilogue. I had a lot of fun writing the epilogue, so, enjoy it.

**Disclaimer: I only own _One Piece: Parallel Works_.**

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**Story Epilogues are a Good Way to Apologize to Various People for Making Unauthorized Shout-Outs to Their Works.**

- Gintoki spent the night hiding from the Capricorn Pirates at the local IKEA. Tae found him the next day curled up on a bed in the fetal position.

- Shinpachi was forced to pay the Capricorns fifty dollars to cover the damages sustained to the Hyperion. Because of this, everybody assumes that Shinpachi was the one who destroyed the Hyperion's steering wheel.

- Kagura recieved _The Hunger Games_ trilogy as a gift from her father. She became so obsessed with it, she almost married a Gale Hawthrone cosplayer she found while beating up Amanto aliens in the park.

- Tae invented a new Bargain Dash ice cream flavor - Battle Royale With Cheese. It was vanilla ice cream, chocolate sauce, nuts, and cream cheese. The ice cream flavor was a big flop, but it found a cult following among the Yato tribe.

- Kyuubei developed a fear of falling down ditches. She overcame this fear three weeks later when Katsura accidentally pushed her into a ditch while he was running from the cops.

- Otose and Catherine made their own anime, Puella Magi Catherine Magika. In it, the main character (MadoCatherine) becomes a Magical Girl by entering a flying door that leads to Limbo.

- Kondo FINALLY took Tae on a date. They went to see _Battle Royale_, but Tae ditched him after the scene where her favorite character, Takako Chigusa, dies.

- Katsura took a sudden interest in One Piece. He now wanders Kabukicho in a cosplay of Usopp every Sunday afternoon in order to get funds for the Joi Resistance.

- Elizabeth now writes bad _Battle Royale_ fanfiction in her spare time.

- In order for Gintoki to notice her, Sacchan has started to cosplay as a genderbend of Finnick Odair from _The Hunger Games_. Needless to say, it failed big-time and Sacchan spent several days in jail for indecent exposure.

- Sakamoto joined Shinpachi's Otsuu-chan fanclub. When's he's not working, drinking, or doing stuff with the Otsuu-chan fanclub, Sakamoto works on his One Piece-inspired pick-up lines.

- Otsuu-chan's new single, _Katniss Everdeen Will go Dio Brando on Your Ass_, debuted at number one. She even won a Grammy for that song.

- Tojo got a job at Loft. He was fired within five hours, because he spent all of his shift deciding on a fabric for some curtains he was planning to make.

- Tama is now taking cooking classes to make sure that she will never cook poison cooking like Bianchi Gokudera. She hopes to be a better chef than Sanji of the Straw Hat Pirates.

- Matsudaira put Hijikata in rehab for his mayonnaise and cigarette addiction. Hijikata hopped the fence of his rehab facility and escaped within the first twenty minutes.

- On his birthday, Okita dressed up in his Bakaiser outfit so he could feel like a pimp. He got several free drinks, several phone numbers from girls, a Ferrari, and a killer hangover the next day.

- When he read _The Hunger Games_, Kamui fell in love with the character of Enobaria, because she ripped somebody's throat out with her teeth. To bring pride to the Yatos (and because of his love for Enobaria), Kamui dressed in drag and showed up to the _Catching Fire_ auditions in Edo to try out for the role of Enobaria. Kamui's audition was cut short when the casting director discovered that "Kamui-chan" had really fake boobs.

- Pirako begged her father to get her a shotgun so she could beat Tama in a western-styled shoot-out. After much begging and pleading, Jirocho gave in and gave Pirako her gun. However, her gun license was revoked a week later when Pirako accidentally shot Matsudaira in the foot.

- Tsukuyo recently voted against the opening of a _Hunger Games_-themed brothel in Yoshiwara. Instead, an _Inception_-themed brothel opened in Yoshiwara.

- One Friday night, Takasugi was bored, so he decided to go to Yoshiwara for kicks. Right after stepping foot into an _Inception_-themed brothel, a courteasean who called herself "Mal" told Takasugi a famous riddle that began with the words "You're waiting for a train." Takasugi ran screaming like a little schoolgirl, and he never returned to that brothel in Yoshiwara.

- Yamazaki is still the most non-descript character in Gintama that isn't Shinpachi.

- Matsudaira, Hinowa, Ketsuno Ana, and Umibozu get together and LARP every Wednesday night. The name of the live-action roleplay group they're in? "The Spanish Inquisition".

- And, lastly, the Capricorn Pirates had to delay production of the Water Seven Saga of _One Piece: Parallel Works_ until they could repair the steering wheel of the Hyperion.

**The End**

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**Ending Note: Please, review this fic, since I have, like, no reviews on this crack-fest.**


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